Covid-19, record levels of unemployment, lives brought to a standstill, lives lost, unstable stock markets, a nation embroiled in a reckoning over race and inequality, 2020 has been nothing but challenging for Americans.
The Save My Cents’ trip around the world was also unexpectedly cut short as Covid-19 cases began to rise. I remember the sense of panic and fear I felt throughout the days I spent in quarantine in the Midwest, wondering if I’d brought the virus to my older parents. I remember the first day I began running errands for the family after my quarantine ended, and the near-panic attack I had while driving and the wheezing sounds of my own breath through my mask as my mind wandered all over the place wondering how I was supposed to avoid getting infected while shopping. I remember as Mr. Save My Cents drove all day back to New York City to bring our cats to the Midwest, as protests and violence rose in crescendo across the nation, praying and hoping that he would not be unintentionally caught in the cross-hairs of violence.
When life gets complex, get off social media
Anxiety comes when we worry. We worry because we want a better life. We want things to be better. And we consume a lot of media and books that tell us if we only did this, if we only did that, then life would be better. Social media, in particular, amplifies this by trying to distill very complex subjects into bite sized, digestible images and captions. While I spend the majority of my time on Instagram, I also find the medium incredibly limiting for discussing anything of substance or requiring nuance, when I have a 10-image limit for a post and 15-second limit for a video. Why do libraries exist? Why do people spend hours talking? Difficult things take time to discuss and hash out. If I make a post on 401(k), then it’s difficult for me to also include in the discussion, IRAs. If I post about IRAs, then people want to talk about Roth conversion ladder. That is why I recommend books, tell people to “Google it”, and am writing a course.
If you rely on social media as your primary way to receive information on complex subjects, you are hurting yourself. Get offline, read books, have long-form conversations, and dig back to the source of data. There is work to be done.
You cannot control the randomness of life, you can control how you choose to react to it
Thankfully to this point my family has not been affected by Covid-19. However, let’s say that someone does get it. How might it happen? We would breathe in the virus, or touch something with the virus and touch our face. I can’t imagine us getting it because someone would intentionally throw the virus into our face (although, who knows). Moving to the Midwest was the key saving grace for my family, but really, anyone can get it. The virus – in its ability to infect – does not discriminate. It would happen at random, and not intentionally.
I have received dozens, if not hundreds of stories, from people seeking prayer for healing. For themselves, family members, friends, patients, co-workers. All of them got Covid-19 by accident. That’s how disease works. The Sars-cov-2 virus has shown the power of randomness at play in our lives. As the world lived in fear and panic of a highly infectious disease, we all responded in different ways. It is only human to want to protect ourselves, and preserve life. And a lot of it feels futile.
For me, I have always accepted that bad things happen in life. That life is unfair. To expect true justice in this life, to expect perfection, is madness to me. It is unrealistic. It does not mean that I think human life should devolve to only meet our base desires, but rather, we do our best, no matter what.
If you try to focus on doing everything you can to have a perfect life, you will never be happy. The key to peace is to let go of your desire to control, and focus on how you react.
There are physical things you can do to boost your mental health
I began incorporating some rituals into my every day life to invite in peace whenever I felt bad.
I breathed five deep breaths, to help oxygenate my brain. Our brains need oxygen to function and breathing deeply can help center our thoughts.
I began a habit of doing five push-ups a day to strengthen my arms and core, mostly to help with carrying my baby. From that, it led to better habits such as taking a daily 1 mile walk with my husband and baby, doing a plank after my push-ups, and keeping my food intake disciplined.
What is a daily physical habit you can incorporate, to care for your own body and mind?
Make it a habit to avoid anger and triggering emotions
The one thing I differentiate with anger is that there is righteous anger – which is modeled to me by Jesus Christ – versus destructive anger, which has no end to justify its means. Jesus Christ was angry in the face of injustice, and He actually had a way to solve for it. I think often to Him flipping tables in the temple. And then He died on the cross.
There is a natural inclination within humans to react to things they do not like with anger. If you’re angry and upset, why do you feed your anger by consuming more angry things? Provoking it? Stewing in it? You know what culture really promotes this? Cancel culture. And I have been guilty of it. I once wrote an angry review for a restaurant whose owner allegedly did not like Asian Americans and Jews. Another poster called me out and said how would I really know? I deleted that review. I was not proud of that action.
Cancel culture is all about stoking anger rather than reconciliation. It does not actually achieve the progress that people are seeking. Cancel culture is an example of what I provocatively call “poor people behavior”. I say it 100% out of love – I want you to have a better life, and I know that is possible with less anger and less fear. However, you have to make the decision to actually find out what to do with your emotions.
There’s a lot more that I can unpack here, but my main point is this. When you are at the unsolicited receiving end of someone’s anger, most of the time, what drives their anger is not something you necessarily did, but reflects on them.
I know I am not perfect and I work on it every day. I encourage you to do the same.
I would hope in a few years we can see real progress, but in the meantime, anger towards me will be met by silence.
Fight about the right things – with love and compassion
When we fight with anger and outrage, we forget about the power of love and compassion. By using victim language, we let oppression win. Platforms merely elevate messages, but they’re bounded. It is the human heart that has limitless capacity for change. I am not judged by social media mob opinion. My judge is God.
We are human and we have a lot of capacity for love. I pray for all those feeling fear, anger, and pain. Those feelings are valid and may there be peace.
My tool of justice includes prayer. It is comforting, centering, and I believe it does work. It puts my mind and heart into a position that is God-oriented, before I choose to act.
Keep a gratitude journal
I began focusing on the concept of saying “I Get To” phrases a couple years ago to demonstrate all the areas in my life that I can be grateful for. I Get To be alive. I Get To have clean water and soap to wash my hands with. I Get To be with my parents, with my husband, with my child. I Get To breathe normally. I Get To look forward to employment. I Get To keep waking up every day and get up to put energy into what I believe brings meaning to me. I Get To have a warm bed and safe shelter to sleep in at night.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you cannot get past this tumultuous time – then we as a human race are effed. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have the power to do something or that you are not free – that is the true language of oppression.
