Here at Save My Cents, I have a passion for spreading awareness of the devastating impact of financial abuse and its long-term physical, mental, and financial implications on the wellbeing of the person being abused. Financial abuse occurs in 96% of abusive relationships. Yet, 78% of Americans do not recognize it as a form of domestic violence (source)
It is my personal opinion that rarely can the abuser in an abusive relationship be reformed. My primary advice here is for the victim to consider leaving the relationship when it is safe for them to do so. However, the roots of abuse go deep, and if the relationship is a married one, things can get really complicated – especially amongst religious groups. Save My Cents is a non-denominational Torah-keeping follower of Jesus Christ.
Many people interpret the teachings within the Bible as only allowing divorce when adultery has been committed. Even then, the Bible is often used in a manipulative way when a religious woman wants to ask for divorce due to other matters, such as abuse. As I mentioned above, domestic violence is primarily associated with physical and verbal abuse, and many fail to understand that financial abuse is also part of domestic abuse. There are four specific passages I would like to call out that seem to teach on this subject, if indirectly.
A man should not deprive a wife of basic needs
Exodus 21:10 If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. 11 If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.
Although this passage is talking about a man taking on another wife, which was culturally common back then, it is very explicit in stating that the first wife must be taken care of. Or else, she can go.
Husbands should love their wives as… Christ loved the church
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love our wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
These verses highlight the importance of the husband loving and protecting his wife. In the Bible, as is with the cultural times, the husband is acknowledged as the primary breadwinner, which comes with the expectation of being the provider in its totality.
God also continues to outline what love entails in 1 Corinthians 13
1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God expands on his expectation of what love should be like in a marriage. A husband should not dishonor his wife and should always protect and trust her. As the primary breadwinner, a man should always treat the wife in the manner in which God intended him to. God even gives us the comparison of husbands loving their wives just like Christ loved the church. Christ loved the church unconditionally and in its totality. If we bring it back to the context of a marriage, this lays out a footprint of the husband providing, protecting, and loving his wife in a way that honors God, which includes providing for her financially.
A relationship goes both ways
I’m going to take on a harder passage, 1 Corinthians 7. Unfortunately, the church uses this chapter to keep people in abusive relationships due to how they choose to interpret it. Many religious leaders use this chapter as a justification that women should remain in a sexually abusive relationship, because the chapter primarily opens speaking to the fact that if a couple starts having sex, they should get married. And that if they are married, they should have sex . Certain people like to interpret this chapter as in, as long as a marriage has sex, the people should stay in the marriage.
However, let’s take a closer look:
1 Corinthians 7:4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Many people’s interpretation ends with the sentence that addresses the wife not having authority over her own body and ignores the second part! However, I believe this verse is one of the most equal verses about the roles of men and women in a marriage. It concedes that each person in the marriage – man or woman – bears responsibility to each other. So if a partner is no longer responsible to the other, then everything within the marriage is not right.
A man who does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever
1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
What is the one kind of person that God cannot grant salvation to? An unbeliever. In this Bible verse, someone who does not provide for his household is likened to someone who cannot receive salvation. This further cements the fact that God does not tolerate someone simply going through the motions of marriage, but does not hold up their end of the bargain – which is to provide.
The spirit of the law must prevail
Ultimately, one of the main messages in the Bible is that God wants people to be provided for and sheltered from abuse. If we go through the Bible, we see instances where God provided for women who were in need, such as Ruth, a childless widow who is ultimately provided for by Boaz. Or, Mary who was pregnant and unmarried, but reassured by God that she would not be shamed because she bore Jesus Christ. God did not shun women, especially women who were in need.
So, my Christian friends, if any of you still believe that people cannot get divorced due to financial abuse, ask yourself, does that really align with how God intended for women to be treated in marriages? Or are you just sinfully following traditions without questioning if they truly follow God’s spirit of the law?
Thank you to the anonymous blog and IG reader who helped with this blog post!
